Wrestling with God

This morning I sat down to read the day's lectionary texts with a fresh cup of coffee in one of my favorite mugs, some new fancy colored pens for taking notes, my journal, and my Bible. With not meeting for worship in person I have tried to make this a Sunday morning routine: get ready for the day while listening to an online worship service (hear: singing the shower), make some coffee, sit down and listen to the texts of the day, do a little journaling... Often it feels like something I'm doing to just check the box of "okay I did something Bibley on a Sunday" and other days, like today, the passages jump out and I am struck with a word from God that opens my eyes and leaves me in awe of the way God can work through the written word. Today there were two things that stood out to me, so I'm going to share one now and the other in another post, but I wanted to share this one first because I think it's a word many of us may need to hear (especially as we continue to be in the time of a pandemic, racial injustice, depression, separation, etc...). 

Two of today's lectionary texts are Genesis 32:22-31 and Psalm 17:1-7, 15. 

Genesis 32:22-31 shares the story of Jacob wrestling with a man through the night. As they are wrestling the man asks him to let him go and Jacob says, "I will not let go until you bless me!" Come to find out, Jacob was wrestling with God, demanded a blessing, and received it! We don't get to hear how they began wrestling, when Jacob asks for the man's name he is met with a "why do you ask my name?," and admittedly it's a strange story... but despite its strangeness it shares something important with us - it's okay, good even, to wrestle with God. It's okay, good even, to demand a blessing in the midst of the wrestling. 

Psalm 17:1-7, 15 is more of a lament than a praise, and it reads...

"Hear a just cause, O Lord; attend to my cry; 

give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit. 

From you let my vindication come; 

let your eyes see the right. 

If you try my heart, if you visit me by night,

if you test me, you will find no wickedness in me;

my mouth does not transgress.

As for what others do, by the word of your lips, 

I have avoided the ways of the violent.

My steps have held fast to your paths;

my feet have no slipped. 

I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;

incline your ear to me, hear my words. 

Wondrously show your steadfast love, 

O savior of those who seek refuge from 

adversaries at your right hand. 

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;

when I awake I shall be satisfied, 

beholding your likeness."

The italicized portion in particular stood out to me, but throughout the whole thing the psalmist cries out to God and demands that God listen. And not only that God listen but that God respond! "I call upon you, for you WILL answer me...wondrously show your steadfast love..." 

These passages (Genesis and Psalm), among others in the Bible, show us that it is not wrong or abnormal to cry out to God, to wrestle, or to demand. As humans we experience a wide variety of burdens and brokenness and God knows that! So why wouldn't God expect us to cry out? Why wouldn't God want us to cry out when we experience these things? 

Now, just because we do, does not mean that God will answer the way we think God will (or in the timing we want), but between the steadfast love that the psalmist talks about and the answer of a blessing that we see in the story of Jacob (and SO many other stories in the Bible) we can see that God is listening, can handle our anger, our sadness, our demanding cries, and will show God's steadfast love and blessing to us, whether immediately or in God's own time. The timing thing is hard, and I (unfortunately) do not have answers to the questions of timing, but we can see throughout the Bible that God is faithful, so we can trust that God will show up. 

So, as odd as it might seem, I encourage you to wrestle!

Wrestle all night if you have to. 

Wrestle and cry out. 

Demand that God show you God's steadfast love. 

And be open to seeing how God may show up. 

It may seem odd, or even scary, at first to do these things - but when we do, we are in good company as we join with the many others throughout history that have done the same. 

A practice for wrestling:

Want a spiritual practice for wrestling based on the above texts? 

Find a quiet space, grab a journal and a Bible (or your laptop), and take some time to read the passages discussed above (Gen. 32:22-31, Psalm 17:1-7, 15). After reading the texts write down anything that stands out to you - it could be words, phrases, ideas, images... and then once you have written down the things that stand out from each text, spend some time reflecting on what stood out to you and why. Journal about those things and then write your own story or psalm of wrestling. What are you crying out? What are you wrestling with God about? How do you expect God to show up? 

Then spend some time in stillness as you continue to reflect and listen.