Who am I...

I doubt myself a lot.

I get into my head and convince myself that I'm not good enough, that I'm not smart enough, talented enough, creative enough...I convince myself that, while I may be good at things, I'm not great. And not being great means I'm not as valuable. I know that's not true. And yet...here I am with those thoughts again.

And then, I read a paper that I wrote months ago and am amazed at how good it is. Shocked that I could write something like that. So articulate. So well thought out. But I did. 

I am capable. 

I am smart.

I am good, great even. 

The other day I was participating in a day of silence as a part of my Doctor of Ministry program, and while sitting at a picnic table at the camp I grew up at, I drew a picture of a woman, her body drawn in the shape of a breast cancer awareness ribbon, her hair short like mine currently is, and I wrote "Who am I..." at the top of the page. Surrounding the picture I wrote words that came to mind about how I would define myself, and I was shocked that I found some of the words hard to write. I know in my head that I am these things, but struggled to believe them with the rest of my being. 

Sitting down to write my final papers for the first semester of my DMin and I'm feeling overwhelmed and incapable, and then I read a paper I wrote a few months back and I realized I can do this. It brought me back to the image I drew and the words I wrote around it. Who am I? I am...

Smart

Loved

Capable

Determined

Whole

Alive

A Survivor

An Image Bearer

Kind

Creative

Stronger than cancer

A Warrior Woman

Talented

A Peaceful Presence

Optimistic

More than my situation

Hospitable

Caring

Valuable 

Here for a reason

I am all of these things and more. Even when I don't feel like it. 

Do you ever have those days? Where you just don't feel like you have it in you? 

Do you have something you can look back at to show yourself that you can? That you're good, and valuable, and loved, and enough just the way you are? 

Today one of my old papers did that for me. Tomorrow it may be the reminder that I have beat cancer. The next day it might be something entirely different. I'm grateful for these reminders. And maybe now that I've been reminded I can actually focus and get my final papers done ;) 

I'm not a great artist...but I like this a lot.